Reflecting on International Women’s Day with Dr Phaedra Upton

The language and love of math

I was lucky to grow up in a family that shared common love of learning, and science. Although there were a few generations of teachers in my family, I never gravitated towards being an educator myself, despite finding myself in front of a classroom later in life. Mostly, I struggled with the anxious feeling of presenting in front of the room every day. Now I almost enjoy that feeling, I’ve got to the stage of not hating public speaking and think that a bit of pre-talk nervousness isn’t a bad thing.

Instead, it was my family’s love of science that shaped my passions, and ultimately my career path. In particular, my grandfather was influential on me. He was a teacher, mathematician and a fisherman, though, he wouldn’t necessarily put them in that order. Among everyone in my family, he was the one who loved maths just as much as I did. After school, I’d stop by my grandparents on the trip home and he and I would “talk” maths.

At school, it quickly became clear what my strengths were. I really did not like spelling, and as a result, I used to think I couldn’t write very well.

Well, I’m glad I chose to defer that scholarship for a year, because it opened my world back up to studying science that I loved.

This is just an experiment

I said to many people during my first year of studying geology, “this is just an experiment, I’ll give it a year”. However, it only took one seminar on the Alpine Fault, by Richard Norris, for me to realise this was my thing. I remember thinking that instead of this feeling of narrowness, I could suddenly see the bigger picture on how all these aspects of geology were interconnected.

I’m sure it’s no surprise that the gender ratio skewed toward men in my geoscience classes, but I did have some female classmates. I never felt much of a divide between genders. The only time I felt a divide was whenever I was suffering particularly badly due to endometriosis, and I just thought, “can they even tell?” I feel that’s a common thought shared by women, and anyone with medical conditions. 

Invited to the boys’ club

After my post-doctorate, Peter was looking to return to the United States, and we both ended up applying to the same job at University of Maine! We both interviewed for the role, and he got the job, but quickly found me a place to work there in a researcher position. I really enjoyed working at the University for four and half years, and took a year and a half long sabbatical at Bates College. It was there I found myself in front of a classroom teaching students. I wasn’t wholly in my element lecturing, but I worked hard, and I’ll never forget running into a former student at a conference who excitedly told me I taught her first ever geology class.

Unfortunately, during this time at the University of Maine, I also encountered some old-fashioned misogynistic behaviour. I am thankful I was surrounded by good men and women who advocated for my voice. The funny thing is during work day hours I felt like a valued member of the team, but it was clear that some of my colleagues wouldn’t welcome me in the same way socially.

I was invited to the whiskey drinking club, and while I was never told directly, a few would say that just my presence would mean they’d have to curtail what they say. Good, but I wasn’t having fun, and I didn’t want to feel I’d have to prove myself worthy to be in their club just because I’m a woman.

The feeling of discomfort grew with the political unrest of the Iraq war. I needed to do something and so I attended an anti-war protest in New York, although I knew I could be risking my visa (I did give my friend very strict instructions that we were to stay out of all trouble). However ultimately, I also knew I wanted to come home.

Joining GNS Science and finding home

I still had some funding left from my work in the United States which I was able to bring back with me and I made the move back to Otago. I joined GNS Science in their Dunedin office, and I loved working there and it also felt like home. Although I was comfortable, I felt rather isolated from the “bigger picture” and I wanted to be in the room where big the decisions were being made in Wellington.

So, I made the ‘controversial’ move to Wellington. I know my team in Dunedin were just trying to look out for me. They knew I’d miss the South Island and being able to ski on the weekends. The truth is I do, but I just wanted to take more advantage of working at GNS.

In the Avalon office I was more often exposed new challenges and opportunities. I’d say it didn’t come naturally, but it was more about placing myself in the room where decisions were being made. It was also noticeable that there were more women at GNS that had a role in decision-making compared with my previous university roles.